Imperfect Beautiful Love (ePub)

     One fateful day, I fell in love for the first time at the ripe age of forty-six. I was almost immediately transformed by this beautiful man, and started writing for him though I had never written before; as well as artwork. I am not educated past high school, but he is. We have a very interesting relationship in which we know we can be brutally honest with each other, and so I believe he tells me the truth when he tells me “Babe, these are really good. You need to do something with this.” To be honest, I didn’t think I had anything. I just write for him in my raw and natural state; disgustingly in love.

     Our relationship has many ups and downs unfortunately between his work, family, and then I was diagnosed with Lyme Disease two years ago, that got into my brain and nervous system and almost killed me. I acted crazy and he didn’t understand what was going on with me at first. He however stuck it out with me when even my own family didn’t give me support.

     It has been two years later. I was editing them to put in a simple book myself, for him. In discovering how many I had written, bawling like a baby at the rawness he has made me feel, and that they were pretty good...I decided to try to publish myself. I have already sold four books and I have five-star reviews between Amazon and Barnes and Noble. A few Barnes and Noble have been interested in book signings and I recently met with a Costco manager where I live who is going to try to get the book in her store. It would be so great if a publisher picked it up.

     It is truly amazing these poems arrived out of myself. Through a very jumbled and damaged brain, sick in bed for months at a time, barely able to walk and talk, and sometimes barely able to see. Even now, as I type this…it brings tears to my eyes. It was hell on earth…feeling like you are confined to a fish bowl with no water, looking out. Aware of what’s going on with your body, and the feeling of powerlessness that you can do nothing about it except lay in defeat.

     Because of this beautiful man, I found another part of myself I had no clue existed. It is probably what saved me, and it kept me fighting.

     I wanted to encourage others through my poetry, that true love actually, exists; even at a ripe age. LOL. No matter what life has thrown them...continue to believe, that…that one perfect person is there in the universe for you, and that health and healing can rise up even out of hell fire.

     The story of our love is amazing, because we seem to be able to love and accept each other even with our faults, and that while we are imperfect humans...we become perfect in love...unconditional love, as it should be.

     I encourage you to take your time in reading. Not for me, but for yourself...in the hopes it will also touch your soul. My only hope is to share with the world, beautiful people still exist; even among the ugliness.


Sincerely in Love,


Nicolenya Caltman