The Glothic Tales: The Glothic Tales Trilogy (ePub)

The First Three Glothic Tales in one VERY BIG Book!

Since that fateful decision was made to descend from the trees, stand on two legs and eat fewer bananas, humans have looked back on the decision with regret. It was at that moment in time, when we began feeling that we were being controlled. By who, why and how is today, just as much of a mystery as then. 

The Glothic Tales attempt to answer this mystery once and for all, by detailing, the truth behind the truth, and the lies behind the lies. From the days of our free tree ancestors and their unfortunate enslavement, through to early beliefs of a higher authority, usually up in the sky somewhere, and then onto more organised, tyrannical and mysterious oppressors. 

The insidious links between church and state, heaven and Earth, and why salmon and calendars were so important in all of this is explained in depth. 

Book 1 - February The Fifth 

"Author Derek Haines has truly outdone himself with this fabulous story of a very unlucky young man." 

"...insanely imaginative...intensely insightful...just plain fun." 

A young man with a lot not going for him, manages to come to terms with a startling reality. He has to grow up. Being handicapped by not only having acne and an odd eye impediment, he also suffers the fact that his name is February. 

Thrust unwillingly into a position of authority by early afternoon, February finds himself with a new appendage tacked on to the end his name. The Fifth.

Book 2 - The Adventures of HAL 

"This hilarious sequel to "February the Fifth" shows Derek Haines at his absolute best." 

"It's a mad world on Gloth as experienced through the eyes of Halbert Hoop, Hal to the reader." 

Millions of years before February The Fifth, Gloth was making a nice little profit from the planet Erde, with the help of some cunning Popes and the very secret Camera Stellata – known also as the Star Chamber. 

Being disowned by his father and booted out of his family manor in England, then transported off to the distant sun-drenched shores of Australia didn't sound like a bad punishment for Hal. 

Idyllic, yet, as often happens, when you think things are perfect, something comes along to throw a spanner in the works. In Hal's case, his life gets hit my a number of airborne wrenches. Then when he thinks things are are about as bad as they can get, they of course get a lot worse. 

Book 3 - Septimity and the Blood Brotherhood 

"Derek Haines entertains his readers with his two most amazing traits. First is his sense of humor, and second is his strength of building his characters even if they look like lizards!" 

Long after HAL and February, the Gregorian Royal Family gene pool has degenerated so badly that the next Supreme Potentate of Gloth is destined to be a boy idiot, whose father died racing him to the Palace garden. His father won the race by jumping from the Palace roof screaming, 'I win! I win!' just before meeting his death on a brick pathway alongside a beautiful bed of roses. 

The death however, provides Septimity and his brothers the chance to enact Ichor. Planned for eons, their dream is to return a pure blood Glothian to the position of Supreme Potentate and rid Gloth of all the embarrassing Erdean genes that had infected their planet for almost ever. 

Get all three hilarious books in The Glothic Tales.