Acts of Service
A Novel
(Sprache: Englisch)
A “bold and unflinchingly sexy” (Vogue) debut novel about a young woman who follows her desires into a world of pleasure, decadence, and privilege, unraveling everything she thought she knew about sex . . . and herself.
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A “bold and unflinchingly sexy” (Vogue) debut novel about a young woman who follows her desires into a world of pleasure, decadence, and privilege, unraveling everything she thought she knew about sex . . . and herself.“One of the most entertaining books about sex I’ve ever read . . . The perfect read for fans of Raven Leilani and Ottessa Moshfegh, this is a book that will have people talking.”—BuzzFeed
“A sex masterpiece.”—The Guardian
ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR: The New Yorker, The Hollywood Reporter
“Anytime I want, I can forsake this dinner party and jump into real life.”—Eve Babitz
Eve has an adoring girlfriend, an impulsive streak, and a secret fear that she’s wasting her brief youth with just one person. So one evening she posts some nudes online. This is how Eve meets Olivia, and through Olivia the charismatic Nathan. Despite her better instincts, the three soon begin a relationship—one that disturbs Eve as much as it enthralls her.
As each act of their complicated, three-way affair unfolds across a cold and glittering New York, Eve is forced to confront the questions that most consume her: What do we bring to sex? What does it reveal of ourselves, and one another? And how do we reconcile what we want with what we think we should want?
In the way only great fiction can, Acts of Service takes between its teeth the contradictions written all over our ideas of sex and sexuality. At once juicy and intellectually challenging, sacred and profane, Lillian Fishman’s riveting debut is bold, unabashed, and required reading of the most pleasurable sort.
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1I had hundreds of nudes stored in my phone, but I d never sent them to anyone. The shots themselves were fairly standard: my faceless body floating in bedrooms and bathrooms, in mirrors. Whenever I took one I fell in love with it for a moment. Standing there, naked and hunched over my little screen, I felt overwhelmed with the urge to show someone this new iteration of my body. But each photo seemed more private and impossible than the last.
You could see in them something beyond desire, harder and more humiliating. While I was brushing my teeth or stepping out of the shower I would see my own body and find myself overwhelmed with a sense of urgency and disuse. My body was crying out that I was not fulfilling my purpose. I was meant to have sex probably with some wild number of people. Maybe it was more savage than that, that I was meant not to f*** but to get f***ed. The purpose of my life at large remained mysterious, but I had come around to the idea that my purpose as a body was simple.
I was too fearful of the world to go out and get f***ed, too plagued by hang-ups, memories of shitty girlfriends, fears of violence. Instead I took photos. In the photos my body looked stunning, unblemished, often arched as though trying to escape the top of the frame. I was like a spinster full of anxieties and repressions, charged with chaperoning a young girl who could not fathom the injustice of the arrangement.
One night when I was feeling exceptionally beautiful and isolated I decided to start sharing the nudes online. I used a website that anonymized usernames and disguised IP addresses, and I put up three photos with no accompanying text.
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I was on my girlfriend s toilet, the next morning, when Olivia messaged me. My post had accumulated more responses than I could possibly read. Perhaps it shouldn t have come as a surprise that none of the lewdness, the appreciation, not even the occasional brutality of these comments satisfied me. The
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anonymity of the photos felt cowardly, the distance of the viewers so great as to make their sentiments meaningless. The only part that thrilled me was repeatedly refreshing the page to see the photos reconstitute themselves again and again, not in a private folder on my phone but in a shared white room accessible from all corners of the world.
I was guilty of some trespass against my girlfriend, Romi that was clear from the fact that I was refreshing the page while hiding in her bathroom. Romi s drugstore-brand cleanser was perched on the sink. Her clean hospital scrubs hung on the back of the door like a poor drawing of a person. But, I reasoned, looking down at my phone, the photos had nothing to do with her. It was only my body that appeared in them, and my body didn t belong to her.
What would Romi do if I showed her the photos? She d be a little sad, a little confused. What can I do? she would say, convinced that only some inadequacy of hers could leave me wanting the affirmation of strangers.
I assumed the vast majority of the responses were from men. Their comments were full of typos and references to their erections. I smiled, scrolled. When I refreshed again the message at the top was from a user called paintergirl1992. I read the words in the preview Excuse me and stifled a laugh.
Excuse me, the message read, I m sorry to intrude! Your photos are very beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I would love to buy you a drink are you in NY? Sorry to be so forward. I hope you have a lovely day Olivia
olivia, I replied, where do you live in ny?
Baby? Romi said loudly from the hall. Are you okay in there?
I m fine, I said.
Olivia was replying in real time.
Clinton Hill, Olivia wrote. BK! Are you in NY too?
I was guilty of some trespass against my girlfriend, Romi that was clear from the fact that I was refreshing the page while hiding in her bathroom. Romi s drugstore-brand cleanser was perched on the sink. Her clean hospital scrubs hung on the back of the door like a poor drawing of a person. But, I reasoned, looking down at my phone, the photos had nothing to do with her. It was only my body that appeared in them, and my body didn t belong to her.
What would Romi do if I showed her the photos? She d be a little sad, a little confused. What can I do? she would say, convinced that only some inadequacy of hers could leave me wanting the affirmation of strangers.
I assumed the vast majority of the responses were from men. Their comments were full of typos and references to their erections. I smiled, scrolled. When I refreshed again the message at the top was from a user called paintergirl1992. I read the words in the preview Excuse me and stifled a laugh.
Excuse me, the message read, I m sorry to intrude! Your photos are very beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I would love to buy you a drink are you in NY? Sorry to be so forward. I hope you have a lovely day Olivia
olivia, I replied, where do you live in ny?
Baby? Romi said loudly from the hall. Are you okay in there?
I m fine, I said.
Olivia was replying in real time.
Clinton Hill, Olivia wrote. BK! Are you in NY too?
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Autoren-Porträt von Lillian Fishman
Lillian Fishman
Bibliographische Angaben
- Autor: Lillian Fishman
- 2022, Internationale Ausgabe, 240 Seiten, Maße: 13,8 x 20,9 cm, Kartoniert (TB), Englisch
- Verlag: Hogarth
- ISBN-10: 0593446216
- ISBN-13: 9780593446218
- Erscheinungsdatum: 28.04.2022
Sprache:
Englisch
Pressezitat
Fishman s seductive debut novel centers questions of sexuality and sex, sexual freedom and power. AutostraddleA radical understanding of the multi-hyphenate definitions of sexual orientation . . . Using sex as a road map, Eve is searching to understand her own inner workings as a young woman. We tend to love what disturbs us, if we are willing to follow our desires and take the risk. Interview
A fun debut novel that feels like the life story of half of Brooklyn. Nylon
Reminiscent of Sally Rooney s work . . . An evocative exploration of desire and sexuality, this dark debut will cause readers to question the very nature of consent. Kirkus Reviews
Fishman s alluring debut poses questions about sex, sexuality, and power via the story of a young woman s exploration of desire. Smooth and smart. Publishers Weekly
Acts of Service doesn t kiss you first, it gets right to it depicting the liquid frequencies of need and power with a thoughtful, savage eye. Raven Leilani, author of Luster
Fascinating . . a book of exquisite moral refinement and almost intimidating elegance. Edmund White, author of A Boy s Own Story and States of Desire
Acts of Service doesn t shy away from asking big questions about the nature of attraction. All this, but with a great deal of page-turning pleasure. Gary Shteyngart, author of Our Country Friends and Super Sad Love Love Story
A kind of supercharged combo of Sally Rooney and Ottessa Moshfegh, and as smart as Joan Didion, Fishman isn t just a brilliant writer she s a brilliant feeler, a great thinker. She has the gift we open books for. David Lipsky, author of The Art Fair
Months after turning the final page, I'm still thinking about this fiercely wily novel. Heidi Julavits, author of The Folded Clock
Stunning. . . I didn t want it to end. Saskia Vogel, author of Permission
I cannot recall the last time I
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felt this exhilarated and transformed by a novel. Acts of Service electrified both my mind and body. Sanaë Lemoine, author of The Margot Affair
Taut, thorny, and sublimely fraught. . . This book is electric. Alexandra Kleeman, author of Something New Under the Sun
Taut, thorny, and sublimely fraught. . . This book is electric. Alexandra Kleeman, author of Something New Under the Sun
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