Git-r-done
By Larry The Cable Guy
(Sprache: Englisch)
Chock-Full of Straight Talk About America. . . And Some Jokes, Too!
Larry the Cable Guy on . . .
NASCAR: It s a lotta good old-fashioned fun started by a buncha moonshiners. Just seein all the ZZ Top lookin folks drinkin beer, havin a good time, and...
Larry the Cable Guy on . . .
NASCAR: It s a lotta good old-fashioned fun started by a buncha moonshiners. Just seein all the ZZ Top lookin folks drinkin beer, havin a good time, and...
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Chock-Full of Straight Talk About America. . . And Some Jokes, Too!Larry the Cable Guy on . . .
NASCAR: It s a lotta good old-fashioned fun started by a buncha moonshiners. Just seein all the ZZ Top lookin folks drinkin beer, havin a good time, and not givin a darn is awesome. And that s just the women!
Dieting: I once went on the liquid diet. I was supposed to drink nothin but liquids for a week. But I got so drunk and sick of that Jim Beam and Coke, I ll never drink it again.
Why his catchphrase git-r-done is better than other catchphrases: Ya can t be at a ball game with two outs in the ninth inning and yell to the pitcher Bounty is the quicker picker-upper!! It makes no sense. But you could yell Git-r-done and everyone would know what you meant.
The red state blue state divide: Is Dr. Seuss runnin the government?
Larry s mom on Larry s book: There s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read. Larry s mom
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Chapter 1GIT-R-DONE!!!
WELL, HERE WE GO. This is the first book I've written since 1975, when I was in the 7th grade and wrote Boogers Are Good Eatin'. Regardless of the title, that 27-page pamphlet earned me a C+ as well as several ass beatings from the class bully.
When they approached me to do this, I thought there's no way I could possibly find the time. I have all these other projects. I have a CD to put out. I have my tour schedule. I have to get a lawyer in Florida to help me fight the Supreme Court so I can keep the air hose in my blowup doll. So little time.
But after several days of . . . meditation . . . medication . . . masturbation! That's it! I not only decided to do it, I promised myself that this book would make Boogers Are Good Eatin' look like a seventh grader's pamphlet.
Set the bar high, that's what I always say.
I figure the thing most people want to know about me--other than how I keep my ass so muscular and hard--would be how I came by the name Larry the Cable Guy, and how I started doing social commentaries for radio stations across the country. Good questions, so let me get into this incredible story full of intrigue and dick jokes. (I'm glad no one is askin' about that time I was sodomized by Dick Van Patten.)
Since I don't want to waste your time with that boring "good old days" crap, I'll give ya a brief summary of how I came about in this world. My dad was a preacher; my mom ran the Tilt-a-Whirl at the fair. Somehow they met, had some teeth fixed, and got married.
I was born in 1963, as a C-section baby. I was born in section C of a Waylon Jennings concert! My dad thought they had good seats until my mom's water broke. They were great parents and the only blemish was when my dad beat me after reading my 7th-grade pamphlet Boogers Are Good Eatin'.
I started doin' stand-up comedy in 1985 right after I blew out my knee doing porno movies. Speakin' of the porno industry, there's a drive-in porno theater
... mehr
next to my log trailer here in Florida. It's pretty big. They call it the Herpes Simplex 2. Last week I went there to see a double feature, Red Patch Adams and Citizen Cankor. Before the second feature, I got arrested for car jacking!!!
(Already this is either the funniest book you've ever read or the dumbest, and I know it ain't the dumbest if you've read Boogers Are Good Eatin' or Al Franken's last book.)
OK, time to fess up: I actually didn't work in the porn industry. I blew out my knee tripping over an Alice Does Anal tape while runnin' for the phone.
Which reminds me . . . I used to date a girl named Alice. I met her at Hooters. She was really unique. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl.
But enough about Alice (isn't that an old Glen Campbell song?), let's get back to my story.
In 1991 there was a radio station in Tampa called 95 YNF. It was an awesome station that at the time no one could touch in the ratings. The station had hired a good buddy of mine, a comedian, to be a sidekick. He called me one day and said he needed some friends to call in and do some comedy.
I wanted to do this so bad that I had the phone checked on the top of the pole. Every day I would climb up and down it just to be heard by households across the bay.
I started callin' in as Iris, an old Jewish woman from Boca Raton. She was a fun character to impersonate until my throat started hurting from doin' her raspy voice all the time. I then became alarmed when I suddenly found myself stealing food and Sweet'N Low packets from buffets; I also developed this obsession with playing bingo and started askin' strange questions like who was running for the condo board.
And I didn't even own a condo.
(Already this is either the funniest book you've ever read or the dumbest, and I know it ain't the dumbest if you've read Boogers Are Good Eatin' or Al Franken's last book.)
OK, time to fess up: I actually didn't work in the porn industry. I blew out my knee tripping over an Alice Does Anal tape while runnin' for the phone.
Which reminds me . . . I used to date a girl named Alice. I met her at Hooters. She was really unique. She didn't have big boobs, but she could turn her head in a circle just like an owl.
But enough about Alice (isn't that an old Glen Campbell song?), let's get back to my story.
In 1991 there was a radio station in Tampa called 95 YNF. It was an awesome station that at the time no one could touch in the ratings. The station had hired a good buddy of mine, a comedian, to be a sidekick. He called me one day and said he needed some friends to call in and do some comedy.
I wanted to do this so bad that I had the phone checked on the top of the pole. Every day I would climb up and down it just to be heard by households across the bay.
I started callin' in as Iris, an old Jewish woman from Boca Raton. She was a fun character to impersonate until my throat started hurting from doin' her raspy voice all the time. I then became alarmed when I suddenly found myself stealing food and Sweet'N Low packets from buffets; I also developed this obsession with playing bingo and started askin' strange questions like who was running for the condo board.
And I didn't even own a condo.
... weniger
Autoren-Porträt
Larry the Cable Guy is one of America s funniest and most successful stand-up comedians, appearing solo and as part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour. He has recorded two gold CDs, Lord, I Apologize (2001) and The Right to Bare Arms (2005), and starred in a DVD stand-up special, Larry the Cable Guy: Git-R-Done, and several feature films, including Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector. Git-R-Done is his first book.
Bibliographische Angaben
- 2006, 288 Seiten, Maße: 20,269 cm, Kartoniert (TB), Englisch
- Verlag: Golden Books
- ISBN-10: 0307237672
- ISBN-13: 9780307237675
Sprache:
Englisch
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