Insomnia / Lauren Bartleson (ePub)

With just three lines and a total of 17 syllables in each haiku and studded with prose poetry, Insomnia is a raw, realistic look at how the pressure of doing it all can bubble up to a breaking point and lead to one of life's darkest moments.

It had been six straight weeks without a full night's sleep; 46 days total of battling extreme insomnia on top of depression, anxiety, and burnout.

Medication, meditation, yoga, CBD, eliminating caffeine, avoiding naps, no technology at night, warm milk - you name it, I'd tried it. Nothing worked.

I was so desperate that, one night, I resorted to writing a haiku, wondering if poetry was the secret connection to the area of my brain that regulates sleep.

While it didn't bring rest, it did bring inspiration. What started as one haiku led to 50, written in the early predawn hours of May 12, 2021.

Within the book, you'll read these poems in the order I felt and experienced them, studded with prose for more context and giving a glimpse into how my mind races and runs at 180 miles per hour. Over the course of just a few hours, I thought about love, loss, grief, and everything in between and experienced a rollercoaster of emotions, ping-ponging between love, fear, anger, sadness, surprise, and joy.

Within these poems, I reflect on the importance of slowing down, settling in, and embracing simplicity while questioning who I am, where I live, and what 'home' means to me. It's purposefully designed to lack formal structure and show how a mess of incoherent thoughts can be jumbled and chaotic yet somehow come together to tell a cohesive story.

I wrote this book as a way to remind myself that I made it through the darkness once and I will again. By sharing my story, I hope to do my part to help break the stigma around mental health and remind others who are in a dark place that they are not alone. I see you. I feel you. I am here with you.