Attached

The New Science of Adult Attachment

Decoding Relationship Behavior

Only two weeks into dating this guy and already I m making myself miserable worrying that he doesn t find me attractive enough and obsessing about whether or not he s going to call! I know that once again I ll manage to turn all my fears about not being good enough into a self-fulfilling prophecy and ruin yet another chance at a relationship!

What s wrong with me? I m a smart, good-looking guy with a successful career. I have a lot to offer. I ve dated some terrific women, but inevitably, after a few weeks I lose interest and start to feel trapped. It shouldn t be this hard to find someone I m compatible with.

I ve been married to my husband for years and yet feel completely alone. He was never one to discuss his emotions or talk about the relationship, but things have gone from bad to worse. He stays at work late almost every weeknight and on weekends he s either at the golf course with friends or watching the sports channel on TV. There s just nothing to keep us together. Maybe I d be better off alone.

Each of these problems is deeply painful, touching upon the innermost core of people s lives. And yet no one explanation or solution fits the bill. Each case seems unique and personal; each stems from an endless number of possible root causes. Deciphering them would require a deep acquaintance with all the people involved. Past history, previous relationships, and personality type are just a few of the avenues that a therapist would need to pursue. This, at least, is what we, as clinicians in the field of mental health, were taught and believed, until we made a new discovery one that provided a straightforward explanation for all three problems described above and many more. The story of this discovery, and what came after it, is what this book is about.

IS LOVE ENOUGH?

Amir Levine, M.D. is an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist and neuroscientist. He graduated from the residency program at New York Presbyterian Hospital/Columbia University and for the past few years Amir has been conducting neuroscience research at Columbia under the mentorship of Nobel Prize Laureate Eric Kandel. Amir also has a passion for working with patients and it is in this context, while working with mothers and children in a therapeutic nursery, that he first discovered the power of attachment theory. His clinical work together with his deep understanding of the brain from a neuroscientist s perspective contribute to his appreciation of attachment theory and its remarkable effectiveness in helping to heal patients. Amir lives in New York City.

Rachel Heller, M.A. studied at Columbia University with some of the most prominent scholars in the field of social psychology. She now works with families and couples as a psychologist in private practice. Rachel lives in Israel.

Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.
The New York Times

"Amir Levine and Rachel Heller have written a very smart book: It is clear, easy to read and insightful. It's a valuable tool whether you are just entering a relationship with a new partner or-as in my case--even after you've been married 21 years, and had thought you knew everything about your spouse."
--Scientific American

"Anyone who has been plagued by that age-old question 'What is his deal?" could benefit from a crash course in attachment theory."
--Elle

"The authors have distilled years of attachment theory research on the nature of human relationships into a practical, highly readable guide."
--John B. Herman, M.D., Associate Chief of Psychiatry and Distinguished Scholar of Medical Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital and Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

"Based on twenty-five years of research, laced with vivid and instructive examples, and enriched with interesting and well-designed exercises, the book provides deep insights and invaluable skills that will benefit every reader."
--Phillip R. Shaver, PhD, Distinguished Professor of Psychology,  University of California, Davis and Past President, International Association for Relationship Research

"Chock-full of tips, questionnaires, and case studies, this is a solidly researched and intriguing approach to the perennial trials of looking for love in all the right places and improving existing relationships."
--Publishers Weekly

"A practical, enjoyable guide to forming rewarding romantic relationships."
--Kirkus Reviews

"This book is both fascinating and fun. Attached will help every reader understand whom they are attracted to as partners, why, and what they can do to reach fulfillment in love. I enjoyed every moment."