Double Whammy

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On the morning of January 6, two hours before dawn, a man named Robert Clinch rolled out of bed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He put on three pairs of socks, a blue flannel shirt, olive dungarees, a Timex waterproof watch, and a burgundy cap with a patch stitched to the crown. The patch said: "Mann's Jelly Worms."

 

Clinch padded to the kitchen and fixed himself a pot of coffee, four eggs scrambled (with ketchup), a quarter-pound of Jimmy Dean sausage, and two slices of whole-wheat toast with grape jam. As he ate, he listened to the radio for a weather report. The temperature outside was forty-one degrees, humidity thirty-five percent, wind blowing from the northeast at seven miles per hour. According to the weatherman, thick fog lay on the highway between Harney and Lake Jesup. Robert Clinch loved to drive in the fog because it gave him a chance to use the amber fog lights on his new Blazer truck. The fog lights had been a $455 option, and his wife, Clarisse, now asleep in the bedroom, was always bitching about what a waste of money they were. Clinch decided that later, when he got home from the lake, he would tell Clarisse how the fog lights had saved his life on Route 222; how a wall-eyed truck driver with a rig full of Valencia oranges had crossed the center line and swerved back just in time because he'd seen the Blazer's fancy fog lights. Robert Clinch was not sure if Clarisse would bite on the story; in fact, he wasn't sure if she'd be all too thrilled that the truck hadn't plowed into him, vanquishing in one fiery millisecond the expensive Blazer, the sleek bass boat, and Robert Clinch himself. Clarisse did not think much of her husband's hobby.

 

Robert Clinch put on a pair of soft-soled Gore-Tex boots and slipped into a vivid red ski vest that was covered with emblems from various fishing tournaments. He went out to the garage where the boat was kept and gazed at it proudly,

Carl Hiaasen was born and raised in Florida. He is the New York Times bestselling author of fifteen novels, including Razor Girl, Bad Monkey, Star Island, Nature Girl, Skinny Dip, Sick Puppy, Lucky You, Skin Tight, and Tourist Season, as well as the bestselling children's books Squirm, Hoot, Flush, Scat, Chomp, and Skink. His most recent work of nonfiction is Assume the Worst, a collaboration with the artist Roz Chast.

Praise for Double Whammy

A raucous, mordant whopper of a fish story with more weird and bloodthirsty creatures above the water than in it. Los Angeles Times

A day-glo version of reality that is insanely funny and scary. Boston Herald

Twists and turns with breathtaking speed...Climb aboard, Bubba, strap yourself in. You re gonna like this ride. The New York Times Book Review

Great fun...I went for Double Whammy hook, line, and sinker. Washington Post Book World

Carl Hiaasen s vivid imagination serves up a seven-course meal in Double Whammy. It s a spread where every course is thick, rare, red meat...You ll have a good time. Houston Post

A stewpot full of the strange, the wacky, the interesting, and the bizarre...zany, diverting, marvelously grotesque. Newsday

A savagely funny crime adventure...bristles all over with Swiftian wit...For all its loony-tunes characters and their mondo-bizarro adventure, there s something about this mordant, comic fantasy that says it s just too crazy not to be true. Miami Herald