Half Sick of Shadows

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I will die drowning; it has always been known. This was my first vision, long before I knew it for what it was, and I've had it so many times now that I know each instant by heart. Where most visions are ephemeral things, shifting and changing in different lights and at different angles, this one is always so solid that it leaves its bruises on my mind and soul long after it ends.

 

The water will be cold against my skin. It will rush around me like a storm, tearing my hair in different directions until it clouds my vision. I won't be able to see a thing. I will want to kick up to the surface, to breathe the air I know is only a few meters away, but I will stay frozen and sink lower and lower in my whirlpool until my feet finally touch soft sand. My eyes will be closed, and everything around me will be darkness.

 

My lungs will burn, burn, burn until I fear they are going to burst. The surface will be so close, I could reach it if I just kick up . . . but I won't. I won't want to.

 

In a week or a year or a decade, I will die drowning. When I do, it will be a choice.



 

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There is peace at the loom, in the steady rhythm of my fingers dancing over the silk strands like a musician with a lyre, peace in the threads weaving in and out, in the future revealing itself to me stitch by stitch, possibility by possibility. Such small movements, repeated again and again and again, each one small and meaningless on its own-but when the tapestry begins to take shape and tell its story, the infinitesimal becomes infinite.

 

As a child in Shalott, I learned how to change the color of the threads to render an image, frozen forever in time, but now I use only white. The magic-imbued strands glisten like opal in the afternoon sunlight that filters into

Laura Sebastian grew up in South Florida and attended Savannah College of Art and Design. She now lives and writes in London. Laura is the author of the New York Times bestselling Ash Princess series: Ash Princess, Lady Smoke and Ember Queen.

"Laura Sebastian is the next Madeline Miller. In Half Sick of Shadows, she frames the famous legend of King Arthur through the eyes of seer Elaine, the tragic Lily Maid who flowers into much more than a passive doomed oracle. Leading the women of Camelot into taking control of a legend long dominated by knights and kings, Elaine weaves past truths and possible futures into a fierce, fresh, lyrical tale that will enthrall until the last page."--Kate Quinn, New York Times bestselling author of The Huntress

"Magical, haunting, unique--Sebastian is a splendid new figure on the adult scene! This is something special, readable, and real, magic and all. I haven't been so excited about an Arthur book since I read The Once and Future King (I was 11)."--Tamora Pierce, #1 New York Times bestselling author

Half Sick of Shadows is a powerful, brilliant retelling of the Lady of Shalott. This is a book I wish I had written. --Anne Bishop, New York Times bestselling author of The Queen s Weapons

"This bold reimagining of the Arthurian story, told from the viewpoint of seer Elaine, gives the women of the legend a new depth and agency. Half Sick of Shadows is rich in magic and full of surprises."--Juliet Marillier, national bestselling author of The Harp of Kings

"This captivating and moving tale centered around powerful Morgana, impulsive Guinevere, and troubled Elaine explores how friendship both binds and breaks under pressure, especially once these three women start to question why they must sacrifice themselves to fulfill Arthur s destiny."--Booklist (starred review)

"Sebastian's adult debut is filled with historical leanings with a feminist twist. Themes of friendship, fate, and morally gray decisions made for greater good are at the forefront of this Arthurian retelling."--Library Journal (starred review)

"A thoughtful, crisp take that brings just the right amount of newness to the timeless legends readers know and love. --Kirkus