The Push

The comfort I found in you was consuming-I had nothing when I met you, and so you effortlessly became my everything. This didn't mean you weren't worthy of it-you were. You were gentle and thoughtful and supportive. You were the first person I'd told that I wanted to be a writer, and you replied, "I can't imagine you being anyone else." I reveled in the way girls looked at us, like they had something to be jealous about. I smelled your head of waxy dark hair while you slept at night and traced the line of your fuzzy jaw to wake you up in the morning. You were an addiction.



For my birthday, you wrote down one hundred things you loved about me. 14. I love that you snore a little bit right when you fall asleep. 27. I love the beautiful way you write. 39. I love tracing my name on your back. 59. I love sharing a muffin with you on the way to class. 72. I love the mood you wake up in on Sundays. 80. I love watching you finish a good book and then hold it to your chest at the end. 92. I love what a good mother you'll be one day.



"Why do you think I'll be a good mother?" I put down the list and felt for a moment like maybe you didn't know me at all.



"Why wouldn't you be a good mother?" You poked me playfully in the belly. "You're caring. And sweet. I can't wait to have little babies with you."



There was nothing to do but force myself to smile.



I'd never met someone with a heart as eager as yours.





One day you'll understand, Blythe. The women in this family . . . we're different.



I can still see my mother's tangerine lipstick on the cigarette filter. The ash falling into the cup, swimming in the last sip of my orange juice. The smell of my burnt toast.



You only asked about my mother, Cecilia, on a few occasions. I told you only the facts: (1) she left when I was eleven years old, (2) I only ever saw her twice after that, and (3) I had no idea where she was.



You knew I was holding back more, but you never pressed-you were scared of what you might hear. I understood. We're all entitled to have certain expectations of each other and of ourselves. Motherhood is no different. We all expect to have, and to marry, and to be,<

from the very first page and will have you racing to get to the end.
Good Morning America

A psychological thriller that will make you question everything you know about motherhood.
Bitch

A chilling psychological look at the dark, uncomfortable parts of motherhood and a provocative page turner.
 theSkimm

This book should come with a warning label! The Push is a buzzy debut novel that packs quite a few punches. With shades of We Need to Talk About Kevin, this GMA Book Club pick for January is a compulsively readable novel.
 New York Post

This is a sterling addition to the burgeoning canon of bad-seed suspense, from an arrestingly original new voice.
Publishers Weekly (starred review)

Both an absorbing thriller and an intense, profound look at the heartbreaking ways motherhood can go wrong, this is sure to provoke discussion.
 Booklist

This is a raw, immediate, propulsive, thought-provoking book, with an ending that hits like a sledgehammer. You will be talking about it for a long time.
 BookTrib.com

[A] dazzling exercise in both economy of language and vividness of expression. Audrain s grasp of Blythe s inner life her fears, her hopes, the details that linger in her mind is so precise and mature that we get lost in this woman s often troubling world. That feeling propels the novel forward at a blistering pace, but Audrain doesn t stop there. The Push announces Audrain as a sophisticated, compelling writer, perfect for fans of thrillers and intimate family dramas alike.
BookPage

Starkly original and compulsively readable, Ashley Audrain's The Push is a deep dive into the darkest nooks and crannies of motherhood.  Raw, visceral, and often disturbing, this is an intense psychological drama that will be embraced by serious book clubs and fans of Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk about Kevin.
 Kristin Hannah, #1 New York Times bestselling author

The Push was a poetic, propulsive read that set my nerves jangling in both horror and recognition. I read it in one sitting and it stayed with me for days afterwards. Not to be missed.
 Lisa Jewell, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Then She Was Gone

With its riveting prose and deep convictions, Ashley Audrain s The Push had me in its clutches from the first page. Audrain s astute portrayal of motherhood was unsettling in its insights, yet highly entertaining on the page. Complex, nuanced, and unflinching, I inhaled this debut in one sitting.
 Karma Brown, bestselling author of Recipe for a Perfect Wife

Intensely absorbing, gripping until the final page, The Push excavates the myths of motherhood, deftly exploring the shape-shifting landscape of parenting, the powerful impact of the past on the present, and the deep unease of our inability to ever fully know even those we hold the closest.
 Kim Edwards, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Memory Keeper s Daughter

I read The Push in a single sitting, ignoring my children, my phone, and staying up way too late, unwilling to break the spell cast by Ashley Audrain's bold, gorgeous prose and propulsive plot. In the months since, my mind has returned, again and again, to The Push, which is unlike any other novel I've read. This is a thriller, yes, but one that probes deeply with enormous intelligence into what it means to be a mother. And, ultimately like the best fiction of any genre what it means to be a person in the world.
Joanna Rakoff, internationally bestselling author of My Salinger Year

Ashely Audrain's The Push is not only a propulsively entertaining, read-in-one-sitting novel, it is also a deeply provocative and fearless look at motherhood written in some of the prettiest prose you ll read all year.
 Aimee Molloy, New York Times bestselling author of The Perfect Mother

Written with  a courage that borders on audacity, and with uncanny emotional and psychological precision,  Ashley Audrain s The Push is a taut, tour-de-force literary thriller that draws you in from the very first pages and plunges you into the most harrowing of journeys:  parenthood.
 Bill Clegg, New York Times bestselling author of Did You Ever Have A Family?

This is a breathtakingly honest portrayal of motherhood that sent shivers down my spine. Ashley Audrain writes with such brevity and beauty that I couldn t put the book down.
Salma El-Wardany, author of These Impossible Things

The Push is an unflinching examination of motherhood. Audrain lets no one in the Connor family off the hook, yet every character managed to elicit my sympathy. Brilliant, insightful, compassionate, and horrifying. I wish I could read it for the first time over and over. One of the best books I've read all year.
Stephanie Wrobel, author of Darling Rose Gold

The Push is written on the edge of a knife. It s a howl in the face of what we think we know or want to believe about motherhood. Relentlessly compelling, distressing and beautiful, Ashley Audrain s debut is the next Gone Girl, with shades of We Need to Talk About Kevin. I devoured it whole.
Marissa Stapley, bestselling author of The Last Resort

Stayed up too late finishing [Audrain s] deeply unsettling The Push about the darkest reaches of motherhood (and profound maternal ambivalence). Visceral, provocative, compulsive, and with the most graphic and relatable description of childbirth I've read (or written).
 Sarah Vaughan, bestselling author of Anatomy of a Scandal

Compelling, beautifully written and wickedly entertaining.... A tremendously thought-provoking read.
 Liz Nugent, author of Little Cruelties and Lying in Wait

A meteoric debut. Ashley Audrain s The Push is a force of nature, an unforgettable arrival that will linger in your heart shimmer, darken and then haunt you. Perhaps if Stephen King had experienced motherhood...he might have been able to dream up this book. Wise, monstrous, and tender, it seemed to pulse in my hands. I could not put it down. I could not look away.
Claudia Dey, author of Heartbreaker

The Push is a freight train of a read it barrels into you and propels you along, taking you places you re not sure you want to go. I found it disturbing, upsetting, and utterly compelling. This book starts a conversation about aspects of motherhood - expectation versus reality, nature versus nurture, men versus women that we should be talking about, however uncomfortable it might be.
Beth Morrey, author of The Love Story of Missy Carmichael

A tense and unsettling thriller that's immersive, chilling, and provocative. A book that's best read in one sitting.
 Iain Reid, author of I'm Thinking of Ending Things

Utterly mesmerising. Ashley Audrain's powerful debut novel explores the challenges of motherhood and the terrifying isolation of being trapped within a sinister truth that no one else believes.
 Fiona Valpy, #1 bestselling author of The Skylark's Secret

A chilling and beautifully written novel that will strike dread into the heart of any new parent. The ending gave me goosebumps.
 Mark Edwards, bestselling author of The House Guest