Childhood ADHD Girl, without Mom (ePub)

I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of forty. Prior to that, I believed that my challenging childhood, including my parents' divorce before I turned two, abandonment and neglect, malnutrition and emotional deprivation, my stepmother's abuse and exploitation, and my father's alcohol addiction and emotional neglect, were the root causes of my current state. However, after being diagnosed with ADHD, which is said to be 99% innate, I realized that my childhood struggles were merely fuel added to the fire of my ADHD tendencies.

Ironically, what saved me from the immense suffering I didn't cause myself was the hyperfocus characteristic of ADHD. I delved into the world of ideas, leaving behind emotional and personal growth as well as practical problems, and through studying, I managed to avoid falling into depravity or ruining my life during that period.

This piece focuses on the psychological analysis of a girl with ADHD growing up without a nurturing mother, exploring the experiences she goes through and the consequences of navigating social life without any healing. It was a truly difficult and challenging time.

In France, there has been a long-standing social agreement that the government should fulfill the role of a necessary father figure for children, regardless of whether they are born in wedlock or out of wedlock. This was a conclusion reached after much consideration of the low birthrate issue. In Korea, where there are many children, I hope they will not be urged to have more children, but rather be well cared for, not tormented, and not killed. I pray for all the children with ADHD in the world to receive proper healing.

What kind of woman would abandon her children?

I heard that my mom was born in 1959. When I was around 30 years old, I suddenly became curious about her name. Now, 10 years later, I can't remember how I found out her name, probably because I didn't check our family documents. Her name is a precious one, "Jeon **." I thought it was a somewhat straightforward name, and I had a feeling that her parents probably liked money. Although they would be my grandparents-in-law, I have never met them.

My first memory is of riding on a bus with my grandmother, sitting on her back as she carried a bag full of market goods. Looking around the bus, I remember the pitying glances of the other passengers, as if they thought I was a pitiful child. This memory seems to have shaped my self-image and my perception of my life as a whole. I was always the "pitiful child," skinny and underfed, growing up in an eldest uncle's house in the poor countryside. My biological mother left me and my older brother behind without even properly transferring guardianship before I was even a year old, taking all the money and valuable possessions in the house and running away. All this being said, this is the judgment of a good grandmother who conformed to the patriarchal system and ruined her son by siding with him without standards and without proper guidance. However, later, when I grew up and pulled out the papers, I realized that my parents had gotten a consensual divorce.

At the time, my biological mother was 22 years old, and my father was probably around 26 or 27 years old. Leaving my brother and me, my biological mother, who was perfectly good looking, walked out of my life. Before I was even two years old, I was abandoned and left to fend for myself, and the suffering of my life began. Although I don't remember it, I can't help but think that my basic emotions were shaped by my biological mother's uncertainty about whether or not to give birth to me.