Fairy Tales by Martians (ePub)

Charles Dimmer, an eight-grade science teacher, runs into trouble when he attempts to explain Darwin's theory of evolution to his class. His thirteen-year-old students continually interrupt with bizarre questions that he can't really answer: "Mr. Dimmer, if we all evolved from frogs, then why aren't we green?" "Where does the kangaroo fit into all this, Mr. Dimmer? Did they come before or after the monkey?"

But things really go downhill fast when Marie says, "Mr. Dimmer, I would like to know where God fits into all this. You've said that everything in the universe has evolved from something that came earlier, so I'd like to know where God came from. I assume it wasn't from a frog because you've told us that's where human beings came from. Could God have come from a bird? They fly in the sky all the time, and from everything I've heard, God lives in the sky."

The mention of the word God causes Charles's most obstreperous student, Simon Notts, to produce some peculiar observations of his own. Simon has an encyclopedic knowledge of science fiction, and he also spends hours a day on the internet. An ardent believer in Darwinism, Simon ridicules God in a variety of ways before he launches into one of his favorite themes. "Nobody ever grants me any respect," said Simon. "I've told hundreds of people that we've descended from the Martians, and everyone just thinks that I'm joking. But the evidence is hiding in plain sight—just go to Google and type in: We may all be Martians. You'll be shocked at what comes up." (Author's note: Just go to Google and type in: We may all be Martians. You'll be shocked at what comes up.)

Meanwhile, Charles's home life is collapsing—his wife has thrown him out of the bedroom and replaced him with Donald, an obnoxious used-car salesman. In between bouts of dealing with the overly aggressive Donald, Charles is called to the principal's office where he finds that Simon is accusing him of attempting to indoctrinate his students with religious ideas.

After another bizarre class where he is cross-examined by Simon as to whether or not he believes in God, Charles returns to his house, but when he overhears Donald plotting his murder, Charles flees to a motel room where he gets roaring drunk. The next morning, he is arrested for murder, but the interrogation seems to focus entirely on claims that he told his students they were Martians. Eventually, Charles, clad only in his underwear, manages to escape from the prison interrogation room, and after running across a busy highway, shoplifting a suit from a clothing store, and floundering through a deep stream, he arrives at a homeless encampment where he is able to disappear without leaving a trace.

Why should you read Fairy Tales by Martians? The most obvious reason is that this book definitively answers an important question that has long been of interest to everyone: Did I descend, as Darwin claims, from a frog, or did I descend, as some modern scientists are claiming, from a Martian? Some will say that the answer to this question doesn't make any difference because both frogs and Martians are small and green, but for those who hunger and thirst for the truth, the answers are all here.