It Never Rains in Paddafontein (ePub)

The setting of these stories is Paddafontein (Frog Fountain in English, pronounced 'pudda fonteyn') a remote village in the semi-desert Karoo district of Southern Africa. The inhabitants could be described as old-fashioned, quaint and conservative and at times more than a little strange. The sketches all have a strong ethnic flavour.
In the first story, The Trouble with Rina, we meet Katerina, or Rina for short, a woman who is possibly too modern for the conservative village. She is employed as a barmaid in the only tavern. Rina is not only good-looking, but wears the sort of clothing that attracts attention. As a result, the tavern becomes enormously popular with the men of the district. Understandably, this provokes a hostile reaction from the womenfolk who mount a campaign against the bar.
The second story, Carpentry for Beginners, introduces the village policeman (Piet) and his wife (Betty). Piet is the archetypal "stupid cop". He has never solved a case in his life. Either the crime resolves itself without Piet's interference, or Betty finds the solution. But, being a lovely person, and far more intelligent than her husband, Betty always gives him the credit.
In the third story, The Man Who Thought He was a Tree, the narrator sits on a bench at the Paddafontein spring minding his own business when he is joined by a stranger. The stranger believes he is a tree. Clearly, the man is insane. But, is he the only mad person in the village?
Paddafontein has its annual horse races on New Year's Day. This year, the event is unlikely to be forgotten what with illegal betting, crooked judges, attempts to shoot the favourite and the escape of farmer van Zyl's terrifying bull.
The three stories entitled "Love in a Hot Climate" are humorous sketches about: love as a commercial proposition: love potions designed to embolden shy suitors: and Paddafontein's very own prophet who predicts a happy solution to love's difficulties.
In Master in his Own Home, policeman Piet is up against his wife's favourite: Marmalade the cat. Did you know that a person could be jealous of a cat?
The Honey Pot is about the disadvantages of wealth. Where the honey is, there will the bees be found.
The Points System is a sharp satire about doing good deeds for the wrong reason.
In Open Wide, Constable Piet pays a visit to the dentist.
An Honourable Profession is an allegory about looking down on the less fortunate members of society. The main character hates beggars. Beggars are dirty, they smell, they are lazy, they steal.... But, what happens if you are made redundant and cannot find work?
We Don't Eat Frogs in Paddafontein. The village is named Frog Fountain after the natural spring. Three different types of frogs are found there. It seems a sensible idea to capitalize on the village's only asset. The owner of the village tavern sees a business opportunity for himself and organizes a Frog Barbecue.
Japie's baboon is a metaphor for prejudice. Japie's neighbours will stop at nothing to prevent him from owning a pet baboon.
White Lightning is the name of Uncle Thuys' home-made plum brandy. The brandy still is illegal and in competition with the only tavern in the village. The still is unsafe. It is an accident waiting to happen.
Ultra-High Frequency is a story which has its origins in a concert the writer attended where a bat was seen flying around the concert hall. Did the animal find the sounds of the scratchy violins painful, or did the high-frequency notes interfere with its radar system, or was it enjoying the music?
In A Fitting Monument, the local minister buys a wonderful new organ for the church which he sees as a monument to his years of service to the community. It turns out to be a monument indeed, but not quite as he intended.
The Karoo is semi-desert. However, freak storms have occurred in the past, some of which have been devastating. When Paddafontein decides to hold an arts ...