Self as the Thing Wandering Through Itself Looking for Itself (ePub)

This is a metafictional adventure wherein the main character writes the fictional story you are reading by hunting for non-fictional real meaning in a fictional land. An intellectually twisty and fun narrative on the role of meaning in our lives, both philosophically and psychoanalytically as well as really and fictionally. In the end, the main character, the story, the Center of the fictional land he is trying to save, even the reader themselves get a sense of meaning they never had before - through a story told.

Work on this book spans 20+ years. The writing, though, likely only took about three months. I had wanted to write a story about itself as far back as college (1994 in written records I still have). Every attempt, though, turned out far too analytic and so not much of a story. It only dawned on me in 2005 that it needed to be a fictional story, not a factual statement of what was going on. As such, it needed even to deny it was the story I was trying to write. In 2005, chapters 1-3 came from that insight. In 2007, I tried to return and got a few more chapters (4-5). Then things stopped for a long while. The characters in chapter 6, though, kept calling and once I saw how to work them into what once was a kind of ending (near chapter 5 at the time), then they came as well as chapters 7-8 soon after (2016). By then I had a structure to work with. The end was obvious (chapter 10) but what happened in chapter 9 could only be incubated over time. I thank my unconscious for it.

The book is a guide... of sorts. As it is a story about itself it never gets far from itself. So, it would be a guide if it went anywhere. But that is just it - it still goes onward through a journey and so is at best a guide to here. But where else is the self but here? That was never satisfying in itself, though, as it wasn't much of a story. So the book attempts to be a journey, a fun but many times hard and even exhausting journey, to meaning and self right now. Whether it gets there is partly up to the reader.

Someone suggested that "the play on words, use of nonsensical language, poetic descriptions of imagery, and frequent twists and turns in the plot kept me engaged in reading.. and of course hoping that there would be meaning in the end.. for the story.. and me. Your writing reminded me of Alice's Adventures in Wonderland-- and I often imagined scenes from that story while reading yours (all of your credits made sense to me at the end). I can see your story transformed into an awesome movie- or song- or piece of art! Very inspiring. ... I love the comparisons made between story, book, life, meaning... this is a cherished theme in my house. I also found your placement of humor refreshing; right when my eyes started straining and I was close to becoming distracted, a comical line would pop up."

I hope you enjoy the journey as well.

Ben