Tales from the Big Horn & Beyond: True Fishing Stories (ePub)

For any fisherman, the benefits of this book are so extraordinary they have to be listed.You receive a secrete magic word that makes big fish jump in the boat.You receive a free, delicious mango-curry recipe for cooking Black Lagoon Creature.$100,000,000 is yours if you can figure out where that fish said the gold is!Instructions for catching pelicans, alligators, grizzly bears, and aliens, free of charge.Free instructions for how to saddle a trout.Access to a private manatee dating service.A Free guide to fishing in public aquariums.Safety instructions for when a fish drags to South America, along with a complimentary list of all the fish you don’t want to get in the boat.A Free Traveler’s Warning about Sinkholes at night, and why not to give a ghost coffee.Free Flood Zone Real Estate SuggestionsFree help improving your karma when you’re freezing and can’t catch a thing.Free legal advice and a Guide on how to not to avoid game wardens.Bonus: 7 Step Guide to becoming a better fisherman, including how to walk on water.You’ll become a greatest story teller around the fire with these memorable whoopers.Here’s a taste of the collection:The Secret Magic Word: “Baker claimed an Old Indian Medicine Man had given him a Secret Magic Word that made big ones jump right into the boat.” “The real amazing part of the story happened the next summer when I was doing a little deep-sea fishing.”Do You Have a Good Recipe for Cooking Black Lagoon Creatures? “Funny you should ask! I have a great recipe and few filets in the freezer. Stay for dinner and I’ll tell you how they got there.”The Lost River of Gold: “If only I hadn’t let that fish go before it finished telling me where that river of gold is located.”Peculiar Things Caught: “That grizzly was nothing! You should’ve seen the looks from the boys down at the taxidermy shop when I had that little green fellow stuffed.”A Funny Way to Fish: “Some trout in Montana are big enough to saddle, but it’s a hard way to fish.”Blind Bill and Matilda the Mermaid Manatee: “Bill couldn’t believe his eyes when he found the beautiful girl sitting in his old convertible after the hurricane.”A Night at the Aquarium: “Did I ever tell you about the time I caught a tiger shark on a diaper pin?”A Dangerous Wish: “Whatever he’d hooked was big enough to drag him from Key West to Venezuela, and I never would have believed the story if it hadn’t come from a man who had never spoken a word that wasn’t God’s Given Truth; plus, he had irrefutable physical evidence that help substantiate the authenticity.”Dead-man’s Hole: “Still to this day, when alone on the river at night, I sometimes hear a whispered sigh, ‘Help Me,’ and remember the story and shiver.”The Legend of the Broke Down Palace: “We woke up and the old farm was floating down the middle of the river. There was nothing to do, so we set up our rods and fished out the windows.”The Cold Blast and Cast Ever: “Fishing and hunting the week before Thanksgiving, it was cold and everyone was having luck, but me. That changed when I gave everything I had to an old man.”Tied, Tangled, and Tickled: “Wrapped in the fly-line, I slept in poison ivy.”Too Zen: “I thought I knew how to fish until I saw Chi walking on water and tie a fly on with one hand.” True Fishing Stories: Written and Illustrated by D.S. Parker