Bad Sex

avoiding dudes who don t notice we re having a bad time, or notice but don t seem to care, or pretend to care but actually don t. We continue to deal with guys who cross our boundaries in some way, transforming bad sex (or even good sex) into something shitty and murky and scary. We still often end up indulging men s fantasies rather than our own. We re told that being vulnerable is the key to love and lust, and yet it s easier said than done.

Even the most sexually confident among us sometimes hesitate to talk about all this, because we don t want to hurt our partners feelings or seem demanding, because we want to appear as horny as we initially advertised ourselves to be, because the length of time it takes us to orgasm will spoil the mood, because we re physically or emotionally afraid, because too much is at stake, because we re simply not sure what we want. We still seem to face unpleasant consequences, both blatant and insidious, when we do talk about certain things that, even in the most progressive circles, are still treated like TMI.

Of course, sometimes bad sex, or a bad relationship, isn t anybody s fault. It may be caused by incompatibility, a dearth of attraction, an absence of chemistry. For some, this kind of neutral, blameless bad sex is a relatively small thing, certainly nothing to end a marriage over. For me, though, bad sex was the gateway that revealed all kinds of other truths. It was the thing that eventually exposed the desires I was ignoring in favor of society s expectations, which led to a break in the hum of my life, which in turn forced the questions: What, exactly, do I want? And are my sexual and romantic desires even possible amid the horrors and bribes of patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy?

This book is about the necessity, but also the complex

Sex is breezy and fast-paced  [Aronowitz s] delight is an antidote to a nihilistically glum attitude that s fashionable today. . . . Where else to start if not with the promise and potential of some better, freer, sexier future? It s no ending, but perhaps a rigorous feminism can still begin where Aronowitz does: I want this.
Book Forum

"Part memoir, part history, and part cultural criticism, Willis-Aronowitz traces the lineage of sexual inequities from the nineteenth century to the present, pairing a historical deep-dive into misogyny, feminism, and consent, with the author s own journey toward sexual and romantic liberation amid the backdrop of patriarchy, capitalism, and white supremacy."
Electric Lit, "Favorite Nonfiction Books of 2022"

Bad Sex does what more sexuality books should do: prove that our politics can be horny as hell.
Hazlitt

"Everybody's always talking about sex, but Nona Willis Aronowitz is truly saying something about it in Bad Sex. More than the act, this book touches on our conflicting narratives around pleasure, fear, hope, honesty, and at times, family. Aronowitz invites the reader into a conversation we may want to shy away from, but does so with so much enthusiasm and curiosity of her own we can't help but follow down another rabbit hole or into another memory. All roads are littered with jewels in this gorgeous exploration of humanity and desire."
Ashley C. Ford, author of New York Times bestseller Somebody's Daughter

Bad Sex is Nona Willis Aronowitz's deft exploration of the triumphs and the unfinished work of both feminism and the sexual revolution. Deeply informed by intellectual and familial history, Bad Sex is intimate, thoughtful, and accessible to anyone struggling with the persistent, maddening inequities of contemporary sex. Willis Aronowitz looks to the groundbreaking work of her mother for insight, yet has written a book that will surely inspire and enlighten the next generation of politically and sexually aroused feminist thinkers.  
Rebecca Traister, author of New York Times bestseller Good and Mad

Aronowitz s chatty tone and corpuscular language explodes myths in ways that will help readers clearly recognize the lies they ve been fed. Highly recommended.
Library Journal (starred)

an exquisitely researched, joyfully conversational take on sexual oppression and sexual revolutions throughout history, as well as a deeply heartfelt memoir This genuine and generousemotional offering is sure to make readers feel seen and heard, too.
Booklist (starred)

"Courageously frank."
Kirkus

An intelligent and disarmingly honest book about sex, love, marriage, radical feminism, the yearnings that echo across generations, and the true meaning of sexual liberation.
Amia Srinivasan, bestselling author of The Right to Sex

"As a writer, and editor and a chronicler of modern life, Nona Willis Aronowitz has charted a distinctive space for herself and her work. With her new book Bad Sex, she explored her own life and family history and delved into the past to create a comprehensive work about what sexual freedom can mean and the contradictions that complicate it."
InsideHook

A revealing personal and historical exploration of the disappointments, rewards, and ambivalence women experience when they explore sexual desires and relationships that challenge societal expectations about gender, race, class, and love. Well-researched, candid, and at times painfully perceptive.
Stephanie Coontz, author of A Strange Stirring: The Feminine Mystique and American Women at the Dawn of the 1960s
 
With Bad Sex, Nona re-centers sexual agency in feminist history and in her own life. This is not only a brilliant and evocative personal memoir, it also examines the critical goal of sexual liberation since long before the feminist second wave.
Susie Bright
 
Fascinating.
Erica Jong