Breaking the Cycle of Abuse

Acknowledgments.
Introduction.

PART ONE: UNDERSTANDING THE LEGACY OF ABUSE.

1. What Will Be Your Legacy?

2. Assessing Our Risk Factors.

3. Why We Do to Others (and Ourselves) What Was Done to Us.

PART TWO: FACING THE TRUTH AND FACING YOUR FEELINGS.

4. Coming Out of Denial.

5. Learn to Identify and Manage Your Emotions.

6. Learn How to Identify and Manage Your Shame.

7. Managing Your Anger.

8. Coping with Fear.

PART THREE: ABUSE PREVENTION STRATEGIES.

9. How to Prevent Partner Abuse.

10. How to Prevent Child Abuse.

11. If You Have Already Become Abusive.

12. If You Have Already Been Abused or Established a Victim Pattern.

PART FOUR: LONG-TERM STRATEGIES TO HELP YOU BREAK THE CYCLE.

13. Emotionally Separating from Your Parents.

14. Facing the Truth about Your Family Legacy.

15. Breaking into the Dysfunctional Family System.

16. Continue to Heal.

Epilogue.

Resources.

References.

Recommended Reading.

Index.

BEVERLY ENGEL is an internationally recognized expert in emotional and sexual abuse. A licensed therapist for twenty-eight years, she is the author of many nonfiction books, including The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, Loving Him without Losing You, Honor Your Anger, The Right to Innocence, and The Power of Apology. She has appeared numerous times on national television programs including Oprah, Starting Over, and CNN.

According to Engel, "in the past twenty-five years studies on abuse and family assaults strongly suggest that abused children become abusers themselves," yet victims often don't receive any treatment until their repetition of the abuse is already underway. In this clear, empathetic self-help book, Engel aims to stop that cycle by teaching readers to remember the past truthfully, to identify and manage their emotions, and to recognize the characteristics of abusive relationships. An experienced psychotherapist and prolific author (The Emotionally Abused Woman; Loving Him without Losing You, etc.), Engel is also an abuse survivor herself. Her attitude towards her readers is gentle and understanding; she clearly knows firsthand how difficult victim and abuser patterns are to break. Readers are expected to perform a good deal of homework aiming at self-discovery: answering simple questions, writing down their memories, tracing family patterns, etc. Some may argue that Engel presents the most crucial advice--what to do if you've already become abusive--too late in volume, by which point an abuser may have dropped the book. But the middle chapters--on shame and its manifestations, on anger, sorrow and fear--are some of the best, especially when Engel delves into the effects of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on children. Though she deals thoroughly with the psychology of victims, Engel concentrates far more than in her earlier books on trying to reach violent and sexual offenders. Violation begets violation, she says. Parental attitudes and behavior, be they cruel, indifferent or supportive, are passed on to later generations. This book is an excellent choice for readers who come from anabusive past and are struggling to make a brighter future for themselves and their families. ("Publishers Weekly Annex on-line, November 15, 2004)