Jane Bites Back

Chapter One


My dear Cassandra, I do wish you could have been at the party last night. I was compelled to converse with the most disagreeable woman. But then, as I have said to you before, I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal.  JANE AUSTEN, in a letter to her sister, Cassandra,

 24 December 1798 


IT WAS NOT, OF COURSE, EXACTLY WHAT JANE HAD WRITTEN TO her sister that long- ago Christmas Eve, but the sentiment was the same. Besides, after more than two hundred years, she could hardly be expected to remember every little detail of her voluminous correspondence. Although she supposed she could check for herself there was a collection of her letters sitting on a shelf not ten feet away. Instead, she remained where she was and imagined how she would describe the disagreeable woman standing before her in a letter to Cassie. 

Melodie Gladstone was slight, her birdlike arms and pale skin giving her the appearance of fragility, as if she might at any moment collapse under the weight of her own head. Her hair, blond as summer wheat, was gathered at the nape of her neck and tied with a pink ribbon. When she spoke her voice was soft, and every head in the room was forced to lean toward her as she read. Elizabeth s spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. How could you begin? said she. I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?  

I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.  

My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners my behaviour to you was at least

Michael Thomas Ford is the author of numerous books, including the novels What We Remember, Suicide Notes, Changing Tides, Full Circle, Looking for It, and Last Summer.

"A hilarious send-up of vampire novels, the Austen industry, and one immortal author's complete inability to find a publisher Jane would have loved it!" Stephanie Barron, author of the Jane Austen mysteries

"It's impossible not to love Ford's sharp-witted, sharp-fanged Jane Austen (and I'm not just saying that because she spares my life in Chapter Six)." Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Fang-tastic Ford s Jane is a very fun and funny heroine to root for as she endures the indignities of publishing and bookselling, fends off danger and (perhaps) finds love. Her hilarious smack downs with Violet hint of more madness to come in this first of a series. Publishers Weekly
 
Ford approvingly cites Seth Grahame-Smith s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, but his own mashup is better integrated, more knowledgeable about Austen and considerably funnier. Kirkus Reviews
 
In this clever paranormal tale Ford has created warm, witty characters that will appeal to both Janeites and vampire fanciers. Literary humor and intriguing snippets from Jane's book are the icing on the cake. Two more books are promised in this series, so readers who fall under Jane's spell will be eagerly awaiting her next adventure. Library Journal
 
Michael Thomas Ford has struck gold .The plot is inventive and funny, and the story progresses with the kind of light touch that compares favorably to the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series. Ford manages to strike just the right tone and consistently delights. Bay Area Reporter
 
Few authors can deliver [Austen s] dry, deft and wickedly funny style. Michael Thomas Ford is one of them .Light, campy and a bit Buffyish .The literary and historical references really shine. Austenprose
 
"Ford gives us an authentic, sympathetic and witty Jane Austen as a modern-day vampire .An inventive mashup plot coupled with creative storytelling and amusing dialogue make this story a delightful read."