love, loss & loneliness (ePub)

This book is the culmination of my experience navigating the world of romantic relationships in my 20s.

I started writing this book in the winter of June 2017, at the start of what would be my biggest heartbreak. At the time, I had no intention of writing a book. It all started as physical diary entries, scribbling nonsensical words of despair with my black gel-ink pen onto tear-stained pages. Eventually as time went on, I started a google doc aptly titled 'thoughts' for instant access as my thoughts began forming into (what I thought at the time) were profound words.

And so the words you'll read on these pages were written during my stages of grief and healing. I wrote them on a T1 Western Line train from Central to Blacktown. The driver's seat of a Toyota Camry parked on the side street on a cold, rainy night. A secluded beach after a hike in nature. A solo tiny home getaway in the middle of the Australian bush. A Contiki tour bus in New Zealand. Inside a psychiatric ward after the cops were called for a welfare check. Midnight in my bed. 3am next to a sleeping ex.

Six years later, the google doc was spilling with hundreds of thousands of words, and I thought it would be a shame to let them sit idle in the cloud.

At the time, writing these words was an expressive outlet for the pain I was feeling. To revisit my past throughout the curation of this book has been a cathartic experience. Sometimes I would linger on a particular passage, in disbelief that I thought or felt a certain way.

I've broken up the book into five chapters which documents my grief and healing in chronological order.

the big heartache: the desperation of losing someone who was my entire world, and the downward spiral into depression that followed.

the long rebound: the toxicity of being in an incompatible relationship out of fear of being alone, while still mourning my past.

answer : love yourself: the beginning of my journey towards self-discovery, self-love and healing upon discovering 7 Korean boys who sing and dance.

all the wrong tinder boys: navigating the world of online dating, players and cryptocurrency.

time heals most wounds: the realisation that painful emotions are a part of life, and it's both a blessing and a curse to feel things so deeply... but that is essentially the beauty of being alive.

This book deals with some heavy stuff. It delves deep into moments where I was close to saying goodbye to the world for good. If you're dealing with some heavy stuff yourself, I hope that by the end of the book, you'll walk away feeling like you are capable of overcoming the tragedies in your life.